Overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger

When my house help came back this January after the holidays, we were pleased that she did, because she is a wonderful lady, she has three kids aged 13, 11 and 9. She has been good with our three kids (below- left) and I was pleasantly surprised at how she picked up all over again with the kids. For a moment, it did not bother me at all.

However, when I realized that I will be back to the office in a few days time, I was overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger.  I knew right there that this was not of God. Yet I was feeling bad that she might be hanging out more with Ethan, who is now at home, since the girls are in school. I had been at home for a whole month and I loved it and I knew I will miss my kids terribly. Yet I also knew I needed to get back to work. All these fears were projected on the house help, I started felling like she was competing with me to have my children’ attention and the story goes on and on…

Yes, when you having negative feelings about someone, always ask yourself which fear button they have pressed.  Because most of time it does not have to do with them, it has to do with you. I knew this is where I was and I needed help, because instead of appreciating my house help for her good Job, I was busy looking at the negative part of the whole issue.

So I texted my wonderful Aunt, a working mother of four boys, and I asked her to help me with this unusual state. She was so gracious and candid. I love people who tell the truth. She took the effort to write a mail because she knew that an sms cannot address my issue. I am now a happy working Mum. Oh…don’t I love the GRACE OF GOD! GRACE, GRACE, and how God use other people  to minister the same GRACE.

Her response was like this;

• Granted/assuming that your house girl has been tested and tried and come out as one with good intentions i.e not some of those who steal babies. 
• Granted/assuming that she is not ignoring the girls and leaving them unattended and only caring for Ethan.
• Granted/assuming she is not breastfeeding Ethan, or telling him to call her mummy or other weird things like those.

If the answer to the above three points is YES, then I would not be worried.

I think, most likely, the mother of Ethan is feeling guilty- (not so sure but I think so), since baby seems to be getting closer to house girl than to her.  So the problem may be more with mother, than with baby and house help.

I have experienced this with my children too, calling our house help their sister-and they owned her.  Even in their class one of the children would tell the rest of the class “I will report you to my Jessy" (house help).

One time I spanked our child and our house help went to cry in the bedroom.  She loved him that much.

I would consider your situation more of a blessing than not.  So long as you are spending time quality time-even if not as long as you would like. I have also found it important to try and do things with my kids that only mummy can do - like horsey ride on mummy's back, singing for them (I am sure your housegirl does not sing for them), singing along with them, watching a movie together, or just listening to their stories -and boy don't they have stories!!! 

Kids have that God given connection with their mums, and nothing can replace that, as long as it is cemented with quality time and discipline.