However, when I realized that I will be back
to the office in a few days time, I was overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and
anger. I knew right there that this was
not of God. Yet I was feeling bad that she might be hanging out more with Ethan,
who is now at home, since the girls are in school. I had been at home for a
whole month and I loved it and I knew I will miss my kids terribly. Yet I also knew
I needed to get back to work. All these fears were projected on the house help,
I started felling like she was competing with me to have my children’ attention
and the story goes on and on…
Yes, when you having negative feelings about
someone, always ask yourself which fear button they have pressed. Because most of time it does not have to do
with them, it has to do with you. I knew this is where I was and I needed help,
because instead of appreciating my house help for her good Job, I was busy looking
at the negative part of the whole issue.
So I texted my wonderful Aunt, a working mother
of four boys, and I asked her to help me with this unusual state. She was so gracious
and candid. I love people who tell the truth. She took the effort to write a
mail because she knew that an sms cannot address my issue.
Her response was like this;
- Granted/assuming that your house girl has been tested and tried and come out as one with good intentions i.e not some of those who steal babies.
- Granted/assuming that she is not ignoring the girls and leaving them unattended and only caring for Ethan.
- Granted/assuming she is not breastfeeding Ethan, or telling him to call her mummy or other weird things like those.
I think, most likely, the mother of Ethan is feeling guilty- (not
so sure but I think so), since baby seems to be getting closer to house girl
than to her. So the problem may be more with mother, than with baby and house
help.
I have experienced this with my children too, calling our house
help their sister-and they owned her. Even in their class one of the children would
tell the rest of the class “I will report you to my Jessy" (house help).
One time I spanked our child and our house help went to cry in the
bedroom. She loved him that much.
I would consider your situation more of a blessing than not.
So long as you are spending time quality time-even if not as long as you would
like. I have also found it important to try and do things with my kids that
only mummy can do - like horsey ride on mummy's back, singing for them (I am
sure your housegirl does not sing for them), singing along with them, watching
a movie together, or just listening to their stories -and boy don't they have
stories!!!
Kids have that God given connection with their mums, and nothing
can replace that, as long as it is cemented with quality time and discipline.
nice post...thanks for sharing...blessings
ReplyDeleteHi Emmah,
ReplyDeleteI think I can relate with some of the feelings you are having. I often wish I could have more time with my daughter than she has with the house-help. It is hard to say goodbye each morning for the whole day but this is the reality of a working mum. I agree with your auntie that there is a connection that only a mother can have with her children. Even though they spend much time together, it is refreshing to hear her wake up and call for mum!"I want mum!" In a way that seems to reassure me that I have a part in her life. I pray God to give us grace to handle this moments of separation from our children. I wish you well as you resume work.
"Yes, when you having negative feelings about someone, always ask yourself which fear button they have pressed."
ReplyDeleteThose are very, very wise words. It is our own guilt that tells us "You should be the one doing that!" when we know our decision to work has been discussed with the Lord and complies with His will for our lives.
Yes, we are to be grateful for the blessed presence of someone who cares for our children and treats them as their own. Yes, we are to find the time to let our children know they come third in our lives -- God first, for He is our eternal Lord; our husband's second, for they are ours for the rest of our lives; our children third, though we have them in our care for such a short time. Our jobs, our interests -- those come way later on the priority list.
True words of wisdom indeed I cannot even add any more just to say I truly identify..I have been working from home for the last three years in which 2010 November we got our baby Adriel and I continued working from home until this year where we have acquired another business and now I have an office to report to everyday though I am still very flexible and can afford to report at about 10 having fed Adriel breakfast and spend some time with him the leave at 3pm to ensure spend more time with him and I feed him his dinner as well as give him his bath then put him to bed..amidst all this I am really struggling with the fact that I have to leave him longer hours and at some point I felt like he was becoming fonder of the housegirl....(now I know better thanks Ems and Grammy)sometimes I tried to feed him dinner and he refused and when my girl tried he gladly accepted....you can tell how that made me feel...the following day he reassured me and I have been feeding him every dinner...
ReplyDeleteIt's not been easy but now I am slowly getting a balance and I am not jealous of the girl anymore I am thankful that she does a great job with him and they are friends.