Husbands of working Mums

I thought about this subject last night as my wonderful husband dropped me at the airport. Yes I am out again. It made me think about how the days ahead are going to be for my hubby with the three kids. It made me appreciate him all the more, love him in a new way and ask God for Grace as he carries on through the week.

My hubby is wonderful with the kids…he is always commended by his friends for his excellent job with the them and of which I am completely proud of! We are coming from a society where men did not interact much with their children; their role was / sometimes still is that of provision -full stop. I therefore really appreciate the role my hubby plays with the kids, he sometime stays in the crèche in our church, full of Mums church and keeps brave as the only man – taking care of our kids. And if you ask him about it- He says, these are my kids too and if anyone has a problem, they can deal with themselves.

I also appreciate him because we are coming from a society where men can travel, but women must look for jobs that suit home keeping. I agree, this is wonderful and if possible, every mother should pursue it, I have pursued it and I have seen grace, but there are times when even the best of Jobs does not suit all your needs and expectations. Such  times, you appreciate your husband, his support and his love.

Yes I am away, but I am so glad to have the support of my husband, he calls me every night to pray for me over the phone,-not to mention how many times during the day. He will cal every morning so that I talk to the kids before they go to school and Skype in the evening so I get to see them all and chat more. Most of all, he believes in what I do, he believes in my work, he supports me and tells me "go for it, you can do it, there is grace…we will miss you but please go!"

So in other words, I just want to say that as a working mum, I appreciate the role of my husband in keeping it all together and helping me stay sane.  Truly, I am sure there are other working mums who will agree with me on this one.

Overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger

When my house help came back this January after the holidays, we were pleased that she did, because she is a wonderful lady, she has three kids aged 13, 11 and 9. She has been good with our three kids (below- left) and I was pleasantly surprised at how she picked up all over again with the kids. For a moment, it did not bother me at all.

However, when I realized that I will be back to the office in a few days time, I was overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger.  I knew right there that this was not of God. Yet I was feeling bad that she might be hanging out more with Ethan, who is now at home, since the girls are in school. I had been at home for a whole month and I loved it and I knew I will miss my kids terribly. Yet I also knew I needed to get back to work. All these fears were projected on the house help, I started felling like she was competing with me to have my children’ attention and the story goes on and on…

Yes, when you having negative feelings about someone, always ask yourself which fear button they have pressed.  Because most of time it does not have to do with them, it has to do with you. I knew this is where I was and I needed help, because instead of appreciating my house help for her good Job, I was busy looking at the negative part of the whole issue.

So I texted my wonderful Aunt, a working mother of four boys, and I asked her to help me with this unusual state. She was so gracious and candid. I love people who tell the truth. She took the effort to write a mail because she knew that an sms cannot address my issue. I am now a happy working Mum. Oh…don’t I love the GRACE OF GOD! GRACE, GRACE, and how God use other people  to minister the same GRACE.

Her response was like this;

• Granted/assuming that your house girl has been tested and tried and come out as one with good intentions i.e not some of those who steal babies. 
• Granted/assuming that she is not ignoring the girls and leaving them unattended and only caring for Ethan.
• Granted/assuming she is not breastfeeding Ethan, or telling him to call her mummy or other weird things like those.

If the answer to the above three points is YES, then I would not be worried.

I think, most likely, the mother of Ethan is feeling guilty- (not so sure but I think so), since baby seems to be getting closer to house girl than to her.  So the problem may be more with mother, than with baby and house help.

I have experienced this with my children too, calling our house help their sister-and they owned her.  Even in their class one of the children would tell the rest of the class “I will report you to my Jessy" (house help).

One time I spanked our child and our house help went to cry in the bedroom.  She loved him that much.

I would consider your situation more of a blessing than not.  So long as you are spending time quality time-even if not as long as you would like. I have also found it important to try and do things with my kids that only mummy can do - like horsey ride on mummy's back, singing for them (I am sure your housegirl does not sing for them), singing along with them, watching a movie together, or just listening to their stories -and boy don't they have stories!!! 

Kids have that God given connection with their mums, and nothing can replace that, as long as it is cemented with quality time and discipline.  

Turning tables

On some days when I get home from work, one of the kids will run up to me, right at the gate and give me a great hug. While the other might just continue doing their stuff, not even bothered that Mum is home. This happens interchangeably. Sometimes I find myself having something nice to bite and I give the hugger. When the other child realizes, she runs and says I want, I want, with tears and occasionally trying to bribe with a hug or a fake hug for that matter!! So I always ask them-Is the hug genuine or all you need is the sweet or chocolate.

(Well, that is the nature of children and all of us; we are born sinners – aren’t we?)

As the year began, I am sure many of us made resolution and have goals for the year. I have a few too and I hope that by the grace of God I can meet them.

However, my one and greatest and deepest desire is to pursue God-for love.

I have come to realize that many times in our lives we seek God for the good and not the best reasons.  We are so accustomed to what is in it for us – to the point that we treat God in the same manner. I believe that love should be the very motivating factor that drives us to do the things we do and all the more we need to pursue God for love.

The other day I thought-what if – God said, that you will not get all the great things and material blessings that you are expecting this year? All the prayers you have made on financial increase, promotion, and successful projects will not come through. However, He promises that he will give you Himself and that you and Him will truly bond this year. How would you react to that?

God-you are giving me God…only God? Okay Lord, I need you but trust you me, I need all the other good stuff too!!! Well, that is what most of us might contemplate.

The beauty of it is that He says, seek Him and all the other things will be added unto you. So worry not, that is his promise and he remains true to His promises. But get the catch here… Seek him first and not for all the other things…but for Him.

What I am saying is, let’s turn the tables and start this year on the right footing. Let’s seek His face and not his hands. Let’s seek the provider and not the provisions. Let’s not just pursue our purpose in life and forget the purpose giver. He is King, He is Lord and I love Him!

Motherhood moments

Tana sometimes gets very cranky and emotional. Dad, tired of trying to figure out what its all about he says : "Tana when you grow up please write a book " Emotions driven life" I am done here"

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Kendi looks at Mum on Sunday before we head out for service and says - "Mum, let me make your blouse. I want you to look pretty. Oh...how sweet!!!!

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Kendi gives Tana a spoon which Tana was apparently looking for. Tana just picks it and walks away. Kendi runs and grabs it back, and then she says.."Tana, i think you forgot to say something". Tana says " Thank you". Kendi hands-over the spoon again and says "Welcome".

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Tana discovered her dress is torn. She runs to Mum and says "Mum my dress is broken" Ha!ha!

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Tana wakes up and shouts "Mum I have sleeped for long"

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Dad finds Tana eating chalk and asks "Tana are you pregnant?"

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Thanks Julia

I recently shared about bloggy friends and on that post I did talk about one of my bloggy friend who came over to Kenya for holiday and brought with her stuff for my kids. I have never met her; we are only friends via the blog. I took these photos of the kids with the clothes she brought for our kids as a way of appreciating her, we did not even meet when she came over to Kenya, but she ensured we got the stuff.

Just to say that I am grateful for her kind heartedness. You have taught me to take giving to another level.

These are just random photos, very hard to keep them together to take a photo.

  

   

   The clothes came in the green beautiful Christmas bag.  

 Thanks so much Julia. You are simply amazing.

Mnaras' birthday part 2

 This is the account of 8th January. We are so grateful for all the friends who made this day such a great day. It was nothing but pure niceness

Friends and plenty of food.   

Dancing. I will attach a video of this dance too.  

Dancing  

and more dancing  

Cutting the cake   

Giving mum a piece   

Dad chewing his piece. He is truly feeling it.  

friends and friends  

Singing Happy birthday the Kenyan way! 

 Enjoy the dancing. Thank you friends for all the gifts. We did not receive any cooking toys or dolls for our boy. I guess none of you wants him to be a chief chef, learn to cook great meals or become a Nanny! ha!ha!ha! Pardon my gender lenses. I wear them all the time. You were all wonderful! Hugs and Hugs!

Mnaras' Birthday Part 1

Mnaras' Birthday came in two phases. On 6th of Jan, which is the actual day which he was born and 8th of January, which was the day we could be able to mobilize friends to celebrate with us. the following is the account of 6th. 

On 5th night, Mum had baked some fresh soft dinner buns. These were very very good.   

On 6th Morning, we used one bun, one candle to celebrate Ethans birthday  

The girls were amused about the bun 

but happy about Ethans' birthday.  

Cutting the little bun  

Singing for him 

"I have a feeling this cake is kind of fake, but I forgive them for now"- Ethan Concludes.

Back to School

My little Mamas'. Ready to go to school. 

On Monday night, Kendi and Tana could barely sleep. The thought of going to school on Tuesday was  working like caffeine on them. I am glad they were looking forward to going back to school. I guess they are looking froward to meeting their friends all over again and the house will be full of stories about Joseph, Jonathan, Nia, Aliana and the like.

I am so grateful for the Holidays too and the fact that I have been on leave has been even more wonderful. Its been fun and the girls are all grown up and we have loved spending time with them. We pray for a wonderful time this term. 

Mum Still on leave and having a ball with Ethan

Still learning

Mum and Kendi

In Gods infinite wisdom – He formed Kendi and ensured that she would be the first child I would nurse. God knew that this girl would have the capacity to endure a first time mum, because I did not know much.

She is truly is special to us. She is compassionate yet full of life, I wish I had half her energy.  

I am so sure that this girl will grow up do exploits for the kingdom of God. She will not rest until she accomplishes all the plans and purpose that God has for her. I have been reading a book “Loving the little years” , beautiful awesome book, which has taken my motherhood to a new level, the writer says that in every vice, there is a virtue, it’s just the other side of the coin and we need to look deeper at the hidden good qualities in our children that sometimes manifest themselves in form of “sin”

For example

Kendi quickly notices that I have a scar on my thigh.

She asks “Hey Mum, what happened here”

Mum: “Dad placed a burning stick on me by mistake but I am good”

Kendi: “Oh No..That is very bad; I am going to kill him” ( Wonder where she picked that?)

Scenario two

Kendi: Dad, are you going with us? (We were going to visit a friend)

Dad: No…You go with Mum

Kendi: “Why?”

Dad: Because Mum does not want me to go with you (Dad was Joking)

Kendi: Oh...No, I will beat her up! ( Wonder where she picked that too?)

You and I know that all the above is nothing but wrong!!!!!I can we can assure you that Kendi was dealt with accordingly for her nasty responses. However, I was also quick to note that she has the potential to deal with injustices and does not want anyone to suffer or be treated unfairly.  A good activist I guess!!!!However, we need to look for a way of harnessing that so that it comes out positively than negatively.  I am learning, this is a new area for me and I hope that we can all learn together. 

Bloggy friends

When I started having a desire to blog, which took quite a long time to commence, I learnt the first lessons from CANDACE and thanks Candace for the all the time you took to give those first tricks.

Little did I know that I would meet awesome online friends, I have learnt so much from them. Thank to my sister SYLVIA for encouraging me with her blog too. She helps me realize that it is not insane for Kenyans to blog too. 

GRAMMY BLICK, awesome lady, she is like my online mum, very encouraging and she loves family even from afar. I once asked her what are the key, ingredients to raising a great family like hers and she directed me back to the word of God. She is deep, deep with God, deep in the word. I like the way she writes too and her consistency. 

CHRISTIAN MOMMA with her two awesome boy I just enjoying reading her blog, she comes out very strong as a Mum, she loves on her boys and is totally committed to raising wonderful men in this generation.  we need a new breed of men who are nothing but Christ like and that is what she is doing. She has sometimes shared stuff that feels so similar to my life.

WANDA, when I bumped into her blog, she had just posted a topic,” Did the Den do you in”? That word was just for me and I really just love reading her blog, very encouraging, her passion for God is unquestionable.

ALIENE and her depth in the word. I am encouraged at how she seems to encourage her husband as a  church pastor and does it with so much grace,you can tap into that grace even as you read her blog and you cannot help but see that she is a true helper as Gods word clearly desires for any wife.  Talk of running with her Husbands' Vision. God bless you Aliene. 

NANCY- she sometimes feels like she is a replica of my life with her three kids. She makes life look so much fun and I think I like just to see how a fellow Kenyan is taking on life on the other side of the globe. She loves her family.

Then the SIMPLE LIVING AT HOME. This wonderful lady seems to enjoy her life and her marriage of 16 years. I like to read from people who say they are enjoying their marriage because they encourage me. Why? -Because more often than not, we hear of people who do not like it at all.

And sometime back when I was almost getting down on depression, I bumped into PASSIONATE HOME-MAKING . and I realized that what I was facing was not uncommon. and this marked a turning point in my life. I am sure the author of this blog has no clue about it but guess what, the Lord used her. 

Then what about meeting someone via a blog, they come over for holiday in Kenya and they bring GIFTS for your children, surely. This was so sweet. Thanks WAITING ARMS. That was so thoughtful and we are so blessed as a family. You did not have too but you did. That's how deep blogging can get. You connect anywhere, anyhow.

I have also been enjoying reading all the adoption related blogs and I am so proud of Mums who go that way and just do it with such care and love. God bless you Mums

Goodness...do you guys see..this is just bust a tip of the iceberg, I have learnt this world is full of friends and there are many awesome sisters all over the world, and I need not limit myself to where I am. 

I may not have mentioned everybody, not because they do not matter but I just wanted to let you know just how great a God we have and that Christ love knows no boundaries.

Funny moments

For those of you who know my hubby-He is such a jolly good fellow, he just keeps me laughing and says things that wants me to go under the table, sometimes I have had to apologize to those who don't get to understand his type of humour. Well, Sometime back, Ethan was so fussy and for hours so Dad shouts. “Ethan that is enough for the day or else I will circumcise you myself!” What a threat!!

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The girls are complaining about insects and flies in a restaurant and getting all cranky about it. Done with trying to negotiate with them, Dad says “Girls listen to me, this is their home, learn to live with them, they are going nowhere, it’s for you to leave when you are done eating!’

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We get back home from our short vacation and Kendi walks to Mum the next morning and says. “Mum, God says we need to go and swim today. I like the fact that they know that when God says it that settles it but using God to manipulate us – No way!

Mum I am very happy!

It is very pleasant to here you child tell you, “Mum, I am very very happy" those are the very words of Kendi while away for some sort of vacation. She and her siblings I believe have been having a great time and we have loved being with them.

The other reason I am happy about those words is because rarely do people want to share positive feelings. We like to tell other people how sad we are, how life is unfair – of which it is true sometimes, but it’s rare that you hear a grown up come to you and tell you-Today I am very very happy!.

To this I say – Jesus knew when He said the Kingdom of God belongs to such. Children. They say it as it is.

Tana sees Mt Kilimanjaro and shouts – Mountain!!!!!!! Then she immediately follows to sing “got tell it on the mountain, over the seas and everywhere, that Jesus Christ is Lord”

A few photos of what's been happening with the kids!

Tana has helped lots this holiday. She loves to clean the floor for some reason.

Kendi - Just loves doing the dishes. She will ask to do this most of the day. 

Little girls. Sometime back someone asked if my girls are twins... well these pretty dresses make then look so don't they? The first of a same kind. Their pretty cousin Samara with them too. 

Playing with a cat 

Helping Mum cut her Birthday Cake. This caught Mum 10-0

Some good time with their Uncles - John and Daniel. 

I just love this photo of Samara. Cute girl! 

Camel riding! Tana between her Uncles.Uncle Ruhio and John

Whatever made her scared! She wanted to jump. 

Kendi-All Fun with her Uncle Daniel

Reading their bibles in car 

Now..this is our boy-He loves Mangoes. However I made a big mistake on this one. We bought it by the road side. I asked the lady who sold it to us to clean it for us and then I gave it to Ethan. How could i trust the water and her cleaning?. Ethan has been unwell for a while and my 6th sense tells me his stomach upsets began here! Mums-don't ever make this mistake. Always clean the fruits yourself or al tealst someone you know and can trust. I had a lot of water in the car and I could have done it. 

One for the road 

My hubby had asked me to hide-so on the left, I was hiding. Du-uh!

Helping Dad drive - this was on a slow path

Some bonfire!  

Bone time 

Playing hopscotch with Mum 

I love the way Kendi was enjoying 

Tana too

Enjoying some good view 

Mums- water water water- A must for kids when travelling. Each their own. Always refill.  

This girls have been swimming excess! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!