I am not sure what to say about this, but I know it is a subject that many mothers will discuss over and over again. It is one of those subjects that affect us – and eventually affect those we care about.
I have heard to learn many lessons as a Mum and as a wife on this area. I have made many mistakes but I have chosen to move on and learn from them
Today, I will share a few lessons
a) It was not a career
Please remember that no girl ever says – when I grow up, I would like to be a househelp, so always know that househelps are househelps because things just didn’t turned out right at some point, almost none of them is there by choice, it not a career that they desired to pursue. So most of the time you are living with someone who is making do with her life and she therefore needs more understanding that you think. Her past is most of the time already bad enough!
Lessons I have learnt– Extend mercy and grace and ask God to help you to accommodate her, with all her strengths and weakness. Remember she is coming from somewhere, she has had her world of 25 year or less or more and you are not going to change all that in a day....
b) It’s your house
No matter whom you employ to assist you, remember this is your house-be in charge. Initially I used to get angry and agitated just by the mare fact that the househelp did not tell me when the milk was over, the bread and other house hold items. Actually I remember threatening one of my girls and telling her, “don’t be telling me at the last minute that there are no tomatoes- if you dare tell me there is none at the last minute, you will buy them with your own salary”
I think it might have worked but at some point I discovered I was very wrong and I was actually being intimidating.
Lessons I have learnt – I usually make deliberate efforts to check out the fridge/ freezer, and the store and I am aware of what is missing or needs to be replaced. Infact, when she says, the tomatoes are over- my reply is. I know. (In other words, this is my house and I am I am responsible).
c) When she is late
Oh- this used to drive me crazy. But not anymore or may be just a little bit. The Lord has used these girls to work on my patience and self control. Issued to get all worked up, I could think and spend the hours before she arrived just figuring out what words I will use on her to let her know how annoyed I am.
Lessons learnt- please go ahead and cook( if you can), if she was coming to cook, let her find food ready, you have moved on with life, remember this is your house-it’s that simple. When she arrives, first and foremost – say hi (I am sure you don’t want to) and then relax. After a while, try and find out why she is late (remember to be calm). You must always try to be in control. I figured out that yelling has never changed anybody, so you better just save your breath. If she has nothing to say about her lateness, remind her that it is good to keep time and to call if she thinks she will be late. Most of all- don’t sweat over it. She came back anyway!
d) Saying sorry and thank you
If you are like me, you will realize that most of them never say sorry or thank you. I remember my first girl; I kept telling her to say sorry for all the wrongs she did or to say thank you if I did something good to her. I reminded her many times, and then I thought- What on earth am I doing?
Lesson learnt – give it up! Sorry and Thank you have to do with heart positions other than just the words, you may teach her once, but if she seems not to get it or is just ignoring it – concentrate on teaching these values to your children. So....I rest my case. Whether they say thank you or sorry...it never bothers me....after all, it takes time to change habits and attitudes
More lessons on House girls: No vision 2030, Give up on perfection- It’s for heaven - not earth, Choose your battles, It’s only a season, A day at a time... .......coming soon....
I am still not perfect, but I am wiser....Mums, what have you learnt with time....
Thanks Emmah for the insight on this one. For me it has been baptism by fire ..I have had to learn most of this the hard way. But all in all it has taught me patience and worked on me to avoid a false sense of importance just beacuse I feel i have this or am that. I now respect the kanges in the mats, the hawkers lessons Ive learnt from the domestic officers (Call them house girls).
ReplyDeleteWhen my baby was 7 months I woke up to prepare n go to work only to hear my gal screaming in the bedroom...she had this abdominal pains which I later learnt were contractions....to cut the long story short she delivered in an estate clinic 30 minutes later. What was I supposed to do to a gal who had nothing to even wrap the baby with. God started working on my heart at that point.....sharing my baby clothes with her (some which i thought were too expensive for her. Call them processes, you wont believe when I tell you that she is the same gal in my house after a two year process. When I look back am happy at what I am becoming with time.......
Kate, that is true baptism indeed and I feel you totally. I also had to go through a surprising event with my girl last and I was so challenged not to judge her at the time and instead remember her good works.
ReplyDeleteWhy are we so quick to judge others yet we are not perfect? Why is it always so easy to throw these people out of our homes without thinking they are human and also have feelings.Amazingly they also have to live with our imperfections. I don't say you overlook things, there are things you can't turn a blind eye.
In short, I cried like a baby after the event & we made a painful sacrifice but we also decided to keep her.Why because she has been good to us and most of all our baby. She has stayed with us since Samara was 3months and now she is 16months.
So this journey of motherhood, calls for us to accommodate others, train them the best way we can but do not expect them to be like us because there is only one you and there can never be another.
Oh I need to share, I had just written about our experience with our girl and hardly 2 hours passed and she called saying that the pressure cooker at home had burnt her face and hand.
ReplyDeleteMy first question was and the baby? Is she safe? She said she was ok and that she was in a different room when it all happened. I said a quick thank you to God.
I asked the girl what she had applied on the burns ,she said oil. I wasn't too sure that's what you should apply, I asked the doctor later and was told COLD WATER in fact ice cubes are the best to cool the skin.
Long story short, we went to hospital, the doctor said it wasn't so bad and were given a cream and pain killers. So am grateful to God for their safety,things could have been worse.