Husbands of working Mums

I thought about this subject last night as my wonderful husband dropped me at the airport. Yes I am out again. It made me think about how the days ahead are going to be for my hubby with the three kids. It made me appreciate him all the more, love him in a new way and ask God for Grace as he carries on through the week.

My hubby is wonderful with the kids…he is always commended by his friends for his excellent job with the them and of which I am completely proud of! We are coming from a society where men did not interact much with their children; their role was / sometimes still is that of provision -full stop. I therefore really appreciate the role my hubby plays with the kids, he sometime stays in the crèche in our church, full of Mums church and keeps brave as the only man – taking care of our kids. And if you ask him about it- He says, these are my kids too and if anyone has a problem, they can deal with themselves.

I also appreciate him because we are coming from a society where men can travel, but women must look for jobs that suit home keeping. I agree, this is wonderful and if possible, every mother should pursue it, I have pursued it and I have seen grace, but there are times when even the best of Jobs does not suit all your needs and expectations. Such  times, you appreciate your husband, his support and his love.

Yes I am away, but I am so glad to have the support of my husband, he calls me every night to pray for me over the phone,-not to mention how many times during the day. He will cal every morning so that I talk to the kids before they go to school and Skype in the evening so I get to see them all and chat more. Most of all, he believes in what I do, he believes in my work, he supports me and tells me "go for it, you can do it, there is grace…we will miss you but please go!"

So in other words, I just want to say that as a working mum, I appreciate the role of my husband in keeping it all together and helping me stay sane.  Truly, I am sure there are other working mums who will agree with me on this one.

Overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger

When my house help came back this January after the holidays, we were pleased that she did, because she is a wonderful lady, she has three kids aged 13, 11 and 9. She has been good with our three kids (below- left) and I was pleasantly surprised at how she picked up all over again with the kids. For a moment, it did not bother me at all.

However, when I realized that I will be back to the office in a few days time, I was overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy and anger.  I knew right there that this was not of God. Yet I was feeling bad that she might be hanging out more with Ethan, who is now at home, since the girls are in school. I had been at home for a whole month and I loved it and I knew I will miss my kids terribly. Yet I also knew I needed to get back to work. All these fears were projected on the house help, I started felling like she was competing with me to have my children’ attention and the story goes on and on…

Yes, when you having negative feelings about someone, always ask yourself which fear button they have pressed.  Because most of time it does not have to do with them, it has to do with you. I knew this is where I was and I needed help, because instead of appreciating my house help for her good Job, I was busy looking at the negative part of the whole issue.

So I texted my wonderful Aunt, a working mother of four boys, and I asked her to help me with this unusual state. She was so gracious and candid. I love people who tell the truth. She took the effort to write a mail because she knew that an sms cannot address my issue. I am now a happy working Mum. Oh…don’t I love the GRACE OF GOD! GRACE, GRACE, and how God use other people  to minister the same GRACE.

Her response was like this;

• Granted/assuming that your house girl has been tested and tried and come out as one with good intentions i.e not some of those who steal babies. 
• Granted/assuming that she is not ignoring the girls and leaving them unattended and only caring for Ethan.
• Granted/assuming she is not breastfeeding Ethan, or telling him to call her mummy or other weird things like those.

If the answer to the above three points is YES, then I would not be worried.

I think, most likely, the mother of Ethan is feeling guilty- (not so sure but I think so), since baby seems to be getting closer to house girl than to her.  So the problem may be more with mother, than with baby and house help.

I have experienced this with my children too, calling our house help their sister-and they owned her.  Even in their class one of the children would tell the rest of the class “I will report you to my Jessy" (house help).

One time I spanked our child and our house help went to cry in the bedroom.  She loved him that much.

I would consider your situation more of a blessing than not.  So long as you are spending time quality time-even if not as long as you would like. I have also found it important to try and do things with my kids that only mummy can do - like horsey ride on mummy's back, singing for them (I am sure your housegirl does not sing for them), singing along with them, watching a movie together, or just listening to their stories -and boy don't they have stories!!! 

Kids have that God given connection with their mums, and nothing can replace that, as long as it is cemented with quality time and discipline.  

Turning tables

On some days when I get home from work, one of the kids will run up to me, right at the gate and give me a great hug. While the other might just continue doing their stuff, not even bothered that Mum is home. This happens interchangeably. Sometimes I find myself having something nice to bite and I give the hugger. When the other child realizes, she runs and says I want, I want, with tears and occasionally trying to bribe with a hug or a fake hug for that matter!! So I always ask them-Is the hug genuine or all you need is the sweet or chocolate.

(Well, that is the nature of children and all of us; we are born sinners – aren’t we?)

As the year began, I am sure many of us made resolution and have goals for the year. I have a few too and I hope that by the grace of God I can meet them.

However, my one and greatest and deepest desire is to pursue God-for love.

I have come to realize that many times in our lives we seek God for the good and not the best reasons.  We are so accustomed to what is in it for us – to the point that we treat God in the same manner. I believe that love should be the very motivating factor that drives us to do the things we do and all the more we need to pursue God for love.

The other day I thought-what if – God said, that you will not get all the great things and material blessings that you are expecting this year? All the prayers you have made on financial increase, promotion, and successful projects will not come through. However, He promises that he will give you Himself and that you and Him will truly bond this year. How would you react to that?

God-you are giving me God…only God? Okay Lord, I need you but trust you me, I need all the other good stuff too!!! Well, that is what most of us might contemplate.

The beauty of it is that He says, seek Him and all the other things will be added unto you. So worry not, that is his promise and he remains true to His promises. But get the catch here… Seek him first and not for all the other things…but for Him.

What I am saying is, let’s turn the tables and start this year on the right footing. Let’s seek His face and not his hands. Let’s seek the provider and not the provisions. Let’s not just pursue our purpose in life and forget the purpose giver. He is King, He is Lord and I love Him!

Motherhood moments

Tana sometimes gets very cranky and emotional. Dad, tired of trying to figure out what its all about he says : "Tana when you grow up please write a book " Emotions driven life" I am done here"

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Kendi looks at Mum on Sunday before we head out for service and says - "Mum, let me make your blouse. I want you to look pretty. Oh...how sweet!!!!

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Kendi gives Tana a spoon which Tana was apparently looking for. Tana just picks it and walks away. Kendi runs and grabs it back, and then she says.."Tana, i think you forgot to say something". Tana says " Thank you". Kendi hands-over the spoon again and says "Welcome".

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Tana discovered her dress is torn. She runs to Mum and says "Mum my dress is broken" Ha!ha!

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Tana wakes up and shouts "Mum I have sleeped for long"

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Dad finds Tana eating chalk and asks "Tana are you pregnant?"

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Thanks Julia

I recently shared about bloggy friends and on that post I did talk about one of my bloggy friend who came over to Kenya for holiday and brought with her stuff for my kids. I have never met her; we are only friends via the blog. I took these photos of the kids with the clothes she brought for our kids as a way of appreciating her, we did not even meet when she came over to Kenya, but she ensured we got the stuff.

Just to say that I am grateful for her kind heartedness. You have taught me to take giving to another level.

These are just random photos, very hard to keep them together to take a photo.

  

   

   The clothes came in the green beautiful Christmas bag.  

 Thanks so much Julia. You are simply amazing.