At peace with househelps part 2

I begin with a true story

A friend of mine narrated how at one time she decided to fire her househelp because she felt that the househelp had gotten so much used to her to the point that she was being arrogant.

When she told her to pack and leave, the girl answered back by saying,

“You must be out of your mind, between me and you, who should leave? You think I should leave? Tell me?

Do have a clue of how many of your husband’s socks are torn?

Do you know what is where in that kitchen?

Do you even have a clue how much is left of anything in this house?

Do you have a clue of the snacks that your children carry to school, what I feed them on when they come from school and the questions went on and on...

And for sure, she realized she had literally left her house to be run someone else....

So we continue today with more lessons!

No vision 2030

This is one of those mistakes I make a million times and I am still making to date. I get a househelp and after two weeks of realizing how great she is- I start having visions and dreams for her, what I call vision 2030 ( the Kenyan government blue print)for her. Yes, how I am going to take her to school, educate her baby if she has one, take her for a course and the list goes on and on.

I am not saying this is bad, I have done this a quite a lot, and in fact I fired my last help, while she was attending college that I was paying for. I have realized that empowerment is self driven and no matter how you want to help someone, they must want the help in the first place. It’s good to ask her , what she wants to do in life and see if you can help, but THOU SHALL NOT DECEIVE THY SELF, your good intentions are not likely to keep her, the day she decided to go, she will go, and sometimes, in the most nasty of ways

Lesson learnt- if you are helping, help, help and help again, but never think that because you are being overly nice, she will be overly nice to you too. Do all you do as unto the Lord, even if she never appreciates your efforts, at least you tried and before God, you did your best.

Give up on perfection- It’s for heaven-not earth

You are looking for a perfect house girl? You must be out of your mind! Unless you are perfect too! She is good with the kids but has no clue about cooking. She is a perfect cook- but you may not handle her attitude, she is all good, but a TV/phone addict and the list goes on.

Lesson learnt- always have the minimum standards. The 80-20 principle is only applied when you are looking for a spouse.  I usually work with 60-40...if you can live with the 60%, then overlook the 40 and move on. She will never be perfect. Just learn what you can accommodate. But to be honest...attitude counts a big deal!

Choose your battles,

Do you really have to fight over everything- NO! Please NO! Just choose what to fight about-so the windows were not cleaned last week-that’s not reason for you to engage in war the whole evening. Here, I will say like Joyce Meyer says – choose your battles and only fight those that directly affect your destiny. Eating food without salt will not change how you look, so give it up if the food is salt less!, oh, she is not opening the gate for you, then just open it yourself if you can and move on, . She doesn’t look like she wants to talk today-leave her alone (who doesn’t like some me time anyway).

It’s only a season

I like this one! She is not here to stay. She is not stuck in your house forever! Seriously, why do we get depressed? The longest I have stayed with a help is for two years. After that, it has been one year. When I think of it...there are things that should not have bothered me about my first househelp, after all where is she now? All I care is that she saw and experienced the Love of Christ in my home, the rest are details. So really, ALL of you reading this am sure you will not be having your current help in the next 10 years ( I am being ambitious!), unless you are supper LUCKY! Or may be UNLUCKY (because there are those who refuse to go even when you hint they need to go).

I have a friend who only houses a girl for one year. Every begging of year she looks for a new one signs a contract with her and categorically tells her that she is there for one year. Even when she is good, she still dismisses her. That is her home policy on househelps, she says, after one year, they get used to you.

A day at a time

Take it one day at a time. If she is back on Sunday after her day off. Thank God and move on. If she comes home late, try to calm down and talk to her in a fair manner. And just take a day at a time. Why- because with househelps- tomorrow is never known, just when you are well and dressed ready for work- she unleashes..mimi nimechoka na Kazi, nataka kwenda (  I am tired of working and I want to leave now). So what to do?

Do not get dependent

Do not live like you cannot breathe, if your househelp left abruptly. This may sound harsh, but learn to take care of your house in many ways. Cook when you can, clean when you can, tidy up as much as you can. In my house, I serve the meals unless I am not there. I set the table, serve the meals the way I want them served and I clear the table and clean it all up.  I bath all my three babies after work!, I soak my children’s clothes before I sleep,  I make their bed sometimes, i do i do i do...i cook on Saturday, I cook chapattis and keep them in mass, I cook breakfast on Sunday morning, I do dishes, go to church, cook lunch sometimes and so many other things

(However i also give loads of credit to my supportive husband and so I know it cannot be the same here for all homes, sometimes, you may even need two househelps depending on your home.) But the point is, do something for your family, something special!

My Goal is to set the standards not the househelp! After all, why did I go to school, if all the education in my brain, cannot make me a better homemaker to begin with!

Remember she is there to help, you run the show, but most of us...we allow our househelps to run the show, while we do the help!

Remember

This awesome ladies, they are human beings, they are sisters, mothers and someone’s daughter. Treat her well; be very careful, they have a father in heaven who watches over them as well. You do not want their cries of mistreatment under your roof to reach the throne of mercy, for vengeance belong to the Lord. Take care of them, love them, help them as much as you can. If they never get anything out of your house, let them experience the love of Christ, let them find an employer with a difference. All of us, want to be loved, to be cared for, to be listened too...she is nothing different from you, just that she many never have had the chances and the opportunities that you and I had. It could be anyone, including your daughter!

 Finally – “Masters,(Employers) provide your slaves(employees) with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven” (Colossians 4:1) my addition in italics & Bold.

I feel like I still have more to share...if i do...i will keep blogging.