One of the things that I have been thinking about during this Easter has been of the many times I have been on guilt trips as a mother. You know those things that we as mothers do and blame ourselves most of the time even when we had completely no much control over them. And even when we could have done better, we remain in condemnation for years and we just don’t get to forgiving ourselves.
Well it hat happened to me with my second born, I had to go back to work a month after I gave birth and she therefore never breastfed as much I thought she could. I expressed breast milk for three months and since she was feed on the same using a bottle, she started preferring the bottle than my breast. Within four months all she wanted was milk but in a bottle. As you all know-my milk disappeared and that was it. So I decided to take a ride, which we all know. It’s called a guilt trip. I thought may be I should have quit my job in the first place, I started feeling so bad that I was a working mum and I felt that I had failed my girl so badly. I talked to the doctor about it and he was very consoling, he told me not to worry, four months on breast milk was a good job. But you know, I also sang that song to many of my friends and I can tell you my husband though very understanding must have been going nutty because of my whining about it. One day, I took the whole issue to the Lord in prayer, I told him that I felt like I have failed and that I don’t think I made a good decision. It was simple-the Lord pressed it upon my heart to forgive myself and move on. And that was it, I learnt how to forgive myself for some of what I would call silly mistakes and the serious one’s too. And I know many of us Mums take these trips a lot, I would just like to encourage us to take it to the Lord and not live under condemnation. Trust you me, even when no one understands what you may be going through, even when it looks petty in their eyes, the Lord does...always remember it is for FREEDOM that Christ died for us. Hope you had a great Easter
And my girl is awesome and growing – lovely girl!
Emma,I hear you on those guilt trips. We were enjoying our easter holiday, went out with a our couples group for dinner and ordered for some food. When the food came we indulged in it and I requested for some beef stew to accompany Samara's food and when it came, i kept pumping it into her body. Mistake No.1 is that I didn't bother to taste the stew, because i was eating beef..and the next early morning she started vomiting and 4 days later she is still vomiting and has loose stool.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say we have been in and out of hospital and doctors saying there is no medicine to give her, she just has to fight it out. The guilt i feel, when i look at her helplessly just want to lie down and sleep..yet Samara is the most active baby i have ever met..I guess i feel guilty that if i tasted that food, maybe i would have tasted something fish in it or maybe not..Samara's name means protected by God, and am coming to a point of accepting that it was not my fault, after all, I am sitted here at home now waiting for her to poop so that I can take it to the laboratory to get to see whether really its something she ate or what could be the cause of the trauma she has undergone. So i agree with Emma, we need to realise that we are just but stewards, at times we make mistakes, some not deliberate but yet the Lord is in control and loves us just as we are , with our imperfections. Lets not go with our heads bent carrying guilt around..its not ours to carry.
Amen Sister. Lets walk with our heads up high...we are children of the most high God!
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